by Maria Gabrani

Day 137:

“Mahayana refuge has three causes: fear of suffering, devotion to the Three Rare Sublime Ones, and great compassion.”

—Lama Zopa Rinpoche

On Day 137, our precious teacher Lama Zopa Rinpoche says:

“The strength of our refuge depends on the strength of our aversion to suffering and our understanding of the qualities of the objects of refuge.”

For as long as I can remember, I have had an unconscious awareness that anger would not serve me or anyone else. I felt that I was creating suffering for myself but not affecting in any way the person or object which I mistakenly wished to “blame” for that anger. Perhaps this deeply rooted belief has always been with me; perhaps it came from the experiences of past lives. Whatever its origin, it became my mantra always to do my best to avert anger.

This doesn’t mean that I don’t get angry or upset, but I find myself in such feelings less and less often. Increasingly, I notice how much calmer, even oblivious to previously annoying situations, I have become. Let me share some experiences to explain myself.

Recently, after a long period of a very cold and rainy season (and it is already June), suddenly, in the afternoon, when we planned to go to the beach after work, it started to rain cats and dogs. Forget the beach or any outdoor activity for the matter. My husband became furious, vociferously finding fault with everything involved! I used to be affected by the weather as well, but now not only was I not affected, but I even enjoyed it. I saw the beauty of being able to see the heavy raindrops in front of me. Their angular direction due to the wind. The freshness of the air. The smell of the earth. The sound of the tree leaves as they moved panicky from the strong wind. The intense green color of the wet landscape. It felt so beautiful. So peaceful. I felt happy.

But our beloved teacher also says in day 137:

“To practice Mahayana Buddhism we also need a third cause of refuge: compassion.”

I cannot evaluate whether I am doing the right things, but I can only share my experience and how I understand and follow my path.

In the above incident, I also noticed that, while before I used to be affected by the negativity of other people, in this case my husband, this was no longer happening. He was raving, but I was enjoying the weather, staying calm and happy in my experience. Yesterday, I had yet another beautiful revelation! I am so grateful to Buddha for showing me his wisdom, the Dharma showing me the way, the methods, and the precious, unbelievably generous Sangha teachers with their practical tips of how to practice. Taking refuge in the 3 Jewels and following their advice, I found that the way to connect to my True Self, my compassion, is through love. And this has been transforming me.

Yesterday, we spent an evening with friends at the center of Zurich, returning home by train quite late. The train was delayed and crowded. In the past, I would have been annoyed, tired, and irritated. But this time, I was calm and observant without any emotional stake. My poor husband was again getting very nervous and was suffering. I, on the other hand, helped people hold on to grab rails. I smiled around to have them relax. But even more, I remembered much later that I took hold of my husband’s hand, caressed it softly, and smiled at him so he, too, could relax.

Reflecting on the experience, I realized that compassion comes naturally when in a calm, peaceful state. The emotional state we are in, whether angry or the contrary, has ripple effects on the people around us and can affect them in so many direct and indirect ways. We can be the source of their energy shift in any direction. So next time, I will also look into my husband’s eyes, caress his cheek, and maybe even kiss him, whether in public or not, hoping this will calm him even more and replace his negative feelings with love. It will bring a smile at least!! So grateful to live in a country where public affection is allowed!

Tadyathā, gate, gate, pāragate, pārasaṁgate, Bodhi, svāhā!

– Heart Sutra